1:05 strawBELLY (BEauty ako reaLLY down)
The other day we decided to have a few cold ones at Twamasha (hehehe – it seems this twitter talk is messing me up). Oh, you need to follow me here ----> [twitter.com] sawa? Anyway, so we decide to have a few cold ones on a Sunday evening at Tamasha as the jazz there is really tight! It’s me, Henny and ChairmanM. Having been recently through the dryer with Ching Ching Part 1, I am totally engrossed in my Tusker and the music. On that day, ChairmanM is surprisingly nil by mouth, very unlike him. I suspect his estranged wife is still giving him problems. Henny however is on the prowl! Now, it’s a known fact that whenever a hunter wanders off into the forest in search of prey, it pays to carry along with him a dead dik-dik. That way, if his efforts are fruitless, all he needs to do is to unleash his knife and start sawing away at the dik-dik, his meal guaranteed. Henny always refuses to heed this advice, 99.9999% of the time to his peril.
Pewa Mdongera (PM)
So there’s that ka-doorway from the inside of Tamasha to the outside section with the tum-small car park. The car park where the watchie behaves like those air-hostesses of first class. The ones who swing down the aisle amidst longing looks from economy passengers. They fika the boundary of first class and economy, look at economy guys like miserable offenders and then contemptuously draw the curtain shut, nzwwwiiiiiiip, condemning u to the misery of your economy seat. Yup, that ka-watchie does the same with the gate. The guy infront of you is opened for wide so that his AMG can glide into the parking. As u follow behind with your ka-battered Toyota, nzwwwiiiip, gate shut “Boss, kumejaa.” Aaaaargh!!!
But back to the point. The doorway between the inside and the outside area slash carpark is called Pewa Mdongera (PM) cause the chicks looking for loaded guys like to pose around there. Sure enough theres a PM over there looking sizzling wuwi! Sizzle ma-Nizzle!! Five foot 7ish, silky smooth skin, light colour, flat belly readily apparent from tight t-shirt, curvy backside in stark contrast to aforesaid belly. Curves emphasized more by the tight fitting jeans and high heels. Wuwi hata me I saw her, died and went into a state of nirvana!
Jisunde ChapChap (JCC)
So Henny does the usual. Approaches the gal and tells her ChairmanM would like to talk to her but is kinda shy. PM looks at ChairmanM those ones of “Kwani what kind of coward sends his pal?”. She then looks at Henny those ones of “At least this one is man enough to step up to me himself”. Henny is ndani and soon has the digits.
Two weeks later Im asking Henny how things are going and he’s like he calls her sometimes lakini she’s always giving excuses. Another two weeks later, same story. So Im like “Gimme the digits” and he obliges. So I call her up manwar-style and we have an interesting 15min convo. Seems gals like a guy who is interested but not really interested. Down but not really down. Cant understand them but hey, she agrees to a date.
Saidieko Straw (SS)
So the gal shows up at…. Wait for it…. The Republic aka Kichinjio LOL! I see she’s brought back-up but after a few minutes chit-chat backup is dismissed. Hmmm, seems things will be woop woof! But…. She orders for a Tusker, a glass and a straw. Surely, at my ka-local, in full view of kila-mtu-everyone! Halafu, that ka-hairstyle. Tum-lines with a weird side weave thingy/patch/thingabob. Looks like a giant housefly buzzing next to her ear. Infact, I see some cobwebs huko near the ceiling and almost want to grab her by the legs and use the thingy to clean the webs…
We are chit-chatting and having a ball but my eyes keep getting drawn to that hair-thingy, in some hypnotic Indian fakir “you-are-under-my-spell” kind of way. Aaargh!
Needless to say, the night ends abruptly that day.
Nakumatt Approach (NA)
So I get a call from the chick a few days later: “Milo swty. How u? Imagine ur not a gentleman” So Im wondering wassup but not info forthcoming. Eventually she’s like: “By the way, I just finished my shopping at Nakumatt. Si u come pay my bill?” I inform her that Im fine given my Uchumi shopping was done the day before. She hangs up the phone:))
