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• January 29, 2008
• Kenya: Unique Land of Fake Miracles

  Posted: January 29th, 2008, 3:34pm EST

  Is There Any Link Between MP Mugabe Were’s Killing and the Recent Reshuffle in the Kenya Police?
  
  Kenya may be known for many positive things including world-class athletes but the BOTTOMLESS PIT OF VIOLENCE we find ourselves in following last year’s stolen elections by Kibaki makes it a first in many realms. Many things happening right now defy any trace of logic or acceptance and must be uniquely Kenyan.
  
  Kenya is indeed a very special and unique country bereft of humanity. Many things that happen in Kenya have never been witnessed anywhere else in the world. Only in Kenya do you get a police force so determined to crash demonstration that they won’t mind lobbing teargas at coffins bearing remains of what they had earlier killed. The sight of frail old mothers choking under the fumes is no reason enough to be human. Kenyans can kill a body twice if only to prove a point. Tear gas the bereaved to aid them mourn better.
  
  Kenya is the only country which can insist on being called a DEMO(N)CRACY under the rule of the barrel of the gun. Add to this the fact that in the whole wide world only in Kenyan do you find an Electoral Commission boss who declares that he doesn't know who won a presidential poll he was tasked and paid to run. The icing on the cake lies in the fact that statehouse continues to be occupied nonetheless.
  
  Lose to win
  Only in Kenya do you win elections by losing it. Truly prophetic because the first shall be last. Besides Kenyans have their own sense of basic counting (NOT BASE 10) where two is LARGER than six. If you doubt and get embarrassed please sue your kindergarten mathematics teacher for intellectual damages to your integrity and fame. Ours must be the only country exclusively populated by geniuses, ehe?
  
  Kenya’s transport and communication network puts Japan’s fidelity and premium to punctuality to shame. Sample this: electoral officials in far-flung areas like Wajir, Funyula, Budalangi, Isiolo, and Lodwar relay their results to KICC overnight yet results from Kiambaa (just past Muthaiga estate in Nairobi) take more than 70 hours (three days) to ‘reach’ Nairobi.
  Kenya’s sense of political humour is unparalleled. Consider this: only in Kenya do you count 95,000 votes from a constituency with 70,000 registered voters. Numbers surely don’t lie but we can COOK them into a delicious meal albeit poisonous.
  
  Still on the electoral front, only in Kenya do you find a presidential candidate’s name missing in the Voters register in his own constituency on polling day. Derivatives of selective amnesia can be stretched into other facets of life with a little bit of political entrepreneurship.
  
  Reversed popularity must have been invented by ingenious Kenyans. Only here do we the most "popular" party SCOOPING 35 MPs while the "unpopular" hides in shame with a paltry 100 parliamentary seats.
  
  MOU my foot!
  Trust Kenyan voters to pay their politicians with their own coin. These scoundrels can form all GRAND COALITIONS they can dream of but lofty tags like PARTY CHAIRMAN means absolutely nothing to the Kenyan voter. How else do you explain the political Tsunami that swept Kombos, Nyachaes, Tujus, Muites, Ndiles and Koigis of this country?
  
  Finally, who said history repeats itself? For who, by whom and for what? Learning from previous mistakes is an alien concept to us Kenyans. Ati the KANU-LDP MOU was dishonoured by Moi. So what? And then the NAK-LDP MOU was trashed by Kibaki. Common, take a walk and smell the coffee. We live miracles and don’t dream them. ODM-KENYA/PNU is union made in heaven and meant for eternal bliss. Naivety is for the politically faint hearted. Deception is the brighter side of industry and grabbing is a constitutional right to stay anywhere. Kazi iendelee.