KenyanMusings
Our very own India Arie....yummm. Take a listen.....
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Alafu, I was out club hopping on Friday. Good times! Great friends, great conversation, great laughs…..perfect. I went from Slims-Pitcher&Butch - Blue times- Galileo-Rezorus-Black diamond-Mercury….all in a night.
I have to tell ya! Rezorus VIP is like Nairobi’s best secret!! Maybe not…but I like it. Its small, private and the loo smells really nice. Yes, I know, I have pledged my loyalty and traded my disdain for crowded clubs and Kenyan teenagers for VIP….the atrocities whose chief aim is the exclusion of others, mwehehehe.
I speak against it as vehemently as I do about child prostitution, children in armed conflict and all optional and protocols reaaly on top of the main treaty, LOL, seriously, I babble on......that makes me cry oodles and oodles of tears. Its like I'm reading up on something and I have PMS, and I'll start crying and the chap will go
Chap: "ala! whats up?"
KM: "its these kids...Imagine bla bla bla..."
(chap draws a blank look, and a straw then...)
Chap: "Ok, KM, I'll go work a lil bit, I'll see you later.
KM: Noooo, please dont leave me?...then,
KM: (teary and yelling) Fine you go work! I don't understand why you cant be there for me! The least you can do is give me a hug and just I donno, hang around
Chap: I am not hanging around! **comes to give me a hug, I reject it because, yep, its a pity hug, he did not want to do it....
PMS is such a ughhhhh haki!
Well, file that under “B for babbling” but as I was saying, who am I kidding, my wallet carries about 8 VIP access cards to pretentiousness. How you ask? How not?
I gotta tell ya, I have this friend of mine who has no single card, None! Not one! Kwani he knows only nondescripts? I mean, we can all say there is that one freind of a rela who has managed to0 get out of the rat race........LOL, the daily grind, and mayhaps can hook you up with, I dunno, like a free ticket to something? anything...Him! NOTHING!!!
So since half my time is spent ducking outside to get him in as 'my guest', I tell him, look, I know someone who can get you a card to **insert some joint where you have to drink blood and walk in naked…wait for it….Backwards!!! ***, LOL I mean, he has Tamasha, Bah! who needs that now? It’s not VIP, Tamasha is like, sooo last century, I dunno, card or not, you pay at the entrance and get in.
VIP? Real card, embossed, "Miss KM. This card admits two". Dare I add sijui 1 % off manicures at **insert salon** , okay I kid, thats fod Diva account, but Ala, and even with all the money, you cannot pay at the entrance to get into VIP, that’s the difference. You’ll kaaa huko and scream for the waiter till your voice gets hoarse. VIP service is never shitty, thats a start. Damn! I’mma burn for this. Please remind me this when I fall out with the who’s who and my memberships gets revoked…that would be funny.
So this dude keeps telling me how, eti VIP sucks, eti he wouldn’t take the card if he had it for free. Yeah dude, no one is offering you any but so I calmly ask him, "so why do I have to get you in all the time?" He says "cos you guys are there...its the company!!" Dude! yeah, company is better in VIP that it is on a katable where you have squished yourself like cabbage from shags! Aiii? How is being in Sohos/Rezorus/Galileo/Afrique etc VIP a bad thing when you have the option of going into the regular club when you like? Negro pris, don’t blend with the grass out of envy!
The only people who speak against VIP are those who can’t get in. And if you think VIP sucks ass, sure dude, whatever....I'll sit on the sofa while you sit on a ‘sina taabu’, throw in the fact that VIP folks can have the best of both worlds and, oh just zip it! You don’t gats VIP, chin up m’kay?
Mwehehhe, I kid you not, I hate to be associated with VIP, cos people judge you that’s why. Funny, those people who judge will kill you and your sorry existence to get VIP access. *shrugs* whatever!
So from VIP in Rez, you can hear the wonderful music coming form Rez Wananchi up there (LOL, that word is not mine, I heard it from someone to refer to the club). And every single time, I sneak into Wananchi to get a load of the music….1 word. YUCK! People bodies are hoot (temperetaure not decorum) halafu, smh! Let me watch music from TV me cos my stiletto heels are not going to fight for legroom like that.
Aiiiii Halafu, right across Rezorus, is this new joint called Black Diamond. Great music, balcony but all they are doing is attract the crowd from Rez wananchi so *shrugs* Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose.
Halafu dare I add…AC? M.I.A. None! Woi its hot!!!!! I was wondering why until the chap told me that, people drink more when its like that, aaand, they can cool off at the balcony, but the thought of cooling off, comes right after they get that extra cold drink. What a genius!!! I will have his baby. As soon as I’m ready to throw the present perfection, if you can call it that, that is thunder thighs and distended belly to the dogs. I mean, I look like this now....what will I look like after a baby? Chaos is what.
There’s a reason why people like me are not blessed with mad cash. First off, now meeee, who hyperventilates through mall windows, you can always tell, the wet marks, palm prints and warm breath at the windows a la KM was here…would be accorded the luxury of getting in and buying the whole damn shop. For the same reason I get anal about VIP. I mean, look, I’m mouthing off about clubs, someone owns them!!! Thats what I should be focussing on right now!! Owning clubs