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KenyanMusings

• August 24, 2007
• 15:59

  I'm Saaaaary. Hot chics, geeks etc

   » ‎ KenyanMusings
  
  
  
  I have been walking around all day singing…mimi, na huyu demmm, tunapendana kila sehemmm. Vaileti wewe ndio keki hao wengine ni fekii. Sigh, I refrain from commenting.
  
  
  **Grudgingly saunters in, unleashes apology note**
  Following my majorly politically incorrect post.....throw in duress, I have a few apologies to make
  
  RE: GEEKS
  
  They rock.
  
  Geeks in unison: Sorry, we can't hear you
  
  KM: Okkkkaaaayyy! ALright! Sheesh! Geeks Rock. Geeks Rule!!! Je m'excuse.
  
  RE: PRETTY WOMEN
  **Grits teeth**. You know what? I'm all for world peace but NO, I won't apologise for that. Hot mamas are EVIL. LOL. they caused the holoucast, what more do you want?
  
  Pretty women are the reason plain Janes like me;
  - Have to read newspappers so we can attract chaps with brains
  
  - Have to be funny
  
  - They are the cause of the breakouts on my face
  
  - They are the cause of my thunder thighs
  
  - They are the cause of the *sigh* lifebelt around my tummy masquerading as a stomach.
  
  But seriously, let me tell you my worst nightmare. The real WMD. Its not even beauty and brains combined. That's so last century. In this day and age, being hot and brainy is every woman's birthright. And that stuff is very relative. If KM can bag a man, surely, that stuff must be relative. Truss me, every duckling has a story.
  
  Me? What scares me? **shivers** ....GOOD COOKS.
  
  For the longest time, people wander around thinking Hitler is evil....I'll tell you evil....women that cook really really well. Like my Auntie, the Swiss schooled chef. Dude! Her husband is home by 6 evryday!! Latest 6.01. Such women, right thurr is your neon light/police line...do not cross.
  
  There is a reason why that "the way to a man's heart....." phrase was coined. I beg to differ. There are other ways...lots of other ways, (I know, how do you think those who cannot cook get holidays?). By the way, throwing the occasional laugh at his *rolls eyes** oooold jokes gives you mileage.
  Until you cave in and go "dude! I dont want to hear that joke again! Ever!" He will still tell you the joke and I'll say "remember when we first met and you told me the joke and laughed really hard? refer to that".
  I mean, I'm all for he's dead funny but lines have to be drawn.
  
  I was saying..... I beg to differ, but I am not dumb enough to tempt fate.
  I am lucky that my burnt dinners and half ready pancakes get eaten. Seriously though, I'm a great cook...its just that I get home so tired and I dont want to ruin my nails. I know my mother would have a problem with that. *shrugs* its what it is.
  
  There's a reason why my heart flutters when he says "hun please make me that yummy rice you make" Sniff. Awww, Thats all I'm good for. Rice, Fish and beef.
  
  I DO NOT slave over Chapati anymore. Why now? I discovered Nakumatt frozen chaps **ducks rock from livid mummy** but they suck. So, thats what my househelp is for. She comes over, she makes them and leaves. I come home, I cut 'em up, and serve them. She who serves carries tha day. My mum has gotten away with that for years. She serves my father the food my auntie the chef made, and my father compliments HER! Alas!
  
  And yes, my help is OOOOOLLLDDD. Like 70. I leave nothing to chance...cos the only women that can cook that are NOT evil, are septuagenarians plus. Anything below 70, can you spell D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R? Okay, maybe 60.
  
  What would break my heart is if my dude ate at another woman's house (defined herein as anyone bel0w 35 that is a good cook). I know it comes naturally for him, and indeed all the men in my life to lie to me "I don't know why you think you put in too much soy sauce....I'm enjoying!!" Awwwww, Bless! Especially because he sips some juice right after that..... Mwehehhe.
  
  Everytime I serve him a meal, you should know the side dish to my every meal is an excuse.
  
  "Chicken and baby, I think I added too much salt"
  
  "spaghetti and hun, the sauce is too tangy, I don't know why, its the same one I use always"
  
  ""Ugali and aiii, i don't know why that nyaks in not soft. I cooked it forever! Sema sweetie"
  
  But every time, evey single time....he cleans it all up and goes "wow, that was great!". Again, I have my reasons for loving him. He never says No to anything I offer him, (To eat/Consume/ Ughhh! , get your minds out of the gutter...to partake in **sighs** A cooked meal. There!).
  
  I should apologise also to memorable jokes, but aiii, I see he has stepped up the jokes a notch. Auuuuiiiii!!! 30 jokes for the price of one. Tihiii.
  
  Yeah, I apologise for all that stuff.
  Hugs all.
  Happy weekend.
• August 23, 2007
• 15:27

  Randomize

   » ‎ KenyanMusings
  
  
  Aheem.
  
  
  **grabs pillow*
  WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
  
  Right, Ok, moving on.....
  I will pay anyone to do this job that my evil, evil, evil, eeeeeeeviiil boss is insisting I can do. I kid, he is the most awesome guy like eveeeeer!I'm not defeatist AT ALL, but I know I am not a techie, or a geek and NO sir, I cannot create a tracking tool if I tried really, not with all these variables.....can't the geeks do it? pleeaseeee. This is not what I had in mind when I asked for mentoring!
  I have even googled like "excel track analyse external data"...nooothing.yeah, I know, its too ambigous. I can see from a distance that there is programming involved here. All that "If Rwanda then Go 10" Okkkay, so I was blending juice to sell instead of attending techie classes. Again as I said, if I wanted to be a resident geek, maybe, maybe I'd be a geek ok? I'm not mentioning names. Thinker, mental, Whiteafrican, Kikuyumoja, yeah I are (loool, yes, i know people are getting tired of me keeping on with that, I'mma milk it 1 week more max) onto your 'I-like-to-pretend-am-not-a-geek-act'. Face it ok, you wore glasses in class 1 and when all of us (we, the cool ones) were playing shake and NOT including you because you would mess with our cool factor, you went and actually learnt how to do geeky stuff.
  I have options. A rich husband or burst.
  Ain't it sad that like geeks, end up marrying the pretty chics, so like the pretty mamas don't have to suffer all their life. I mean, they had no esteem issues while growing up, halafu they bag a reformed geek, now millionare. How cool is that!
  In line with geeks.....And yes, today i'm lining myself up for crimes against humanity cos damn, my stilletos have crushed toes there! Don't you just hate it when people know who they are and what they want, in and out of blog? Like How Bankelele is you financial sense guy...and you huku really gaddamn can't cut a niche....you tittilate betweeen rubbish and stepped-up-a-notch-crap.....Just awesome! Or, Hmmm, ...wait for it....that memorable jokes chap. **breathes in, breathes out, releases him into the universe ** cos hot damn, the (wo)man can clog the aggregator on any given Sunday. As in thank Mary's Sandals that I do not control that aggregator tondu because....**grits teeth* Jokes guy, OUT NI NJA! (out is outside).
  Can we go back to the place where seriously, why again am I doing this.....numbers are a big part of my job, damn right, I look at them and write a report that what numbers do for me.... but I know I am not meant to make databases more than once in 5 years.....sniiiiifffff or ever, dear God.
  I got a B+ in Math ok?! I was that bad...seriously I cried..That's what A students do when they get a B+. They cry. Mwehhehe.
  Theeeen, you guys......can we begin with the fact that really I am trying to generate a graph with two y axis-es (tihi) and the secondary one keeps coming on top...UGHHH. Some small fuglee afraid of being seen thing. This is excel...how much do I suck seriously!!!
  I want it to be beside and not a small one like you cant even see it, wtf is it? a retard? why is it not behaving and dont tell me abourt sijui re-arranging data cos I WONT! You know how stressed I get when I cant get stuff done...I get so stressed, and angry and I erm, sort of like, umm, start to cry with fury...*smh* I know... "KM that is not good for you, that thing you do when things don't go your way".....I'm sorry, I forget how many times my mum dragged me home crying because I came second in swimming or (insert any other competition ever). Like, I kjnow I cannot play table tennis, yeeeet, I tried for about 4 years. WTH, its for losers! Dude, man, I dont take that stuff well.
  
  You know what...I'll figure that out. I could just give up, but you know what. I'll do it just to prove a point...whcich escapes me at this point, but yes, there is a point therein.
  That besides....am I loving my hair or whaaaat? Its awesome. Awesome cool funky hair. I love it.
  And there is this person...who is annoying me.
  Yes you, person, **points manicured..... (yeah, its acrylics but thats between me and jesus), bejewelled, damn right its platinum -finger** you know yourself...you and your fish and chips accent **puhleeze!** how now? Step away from the bullshit sir! Dude, you are so sucking major ass right now.