Mashada Blogs » September 8, 2009

twitterkenya A Twitter meme, started by Alen Wekesa (@iAlen), a Kenyan resident in Tanzania, on how to know you’RE Kenyan.

In chronolocigal order, just because some of them are so true. Incomplete, mixed-up list as of 08. September, lunch time, RTs (re-tweets) not included. Enjoy + pls feel to add some more, either via a comment or via Twitter.

@zionafrika #youknowyourKenyan when you arrest all youngest with dread locks for the clam that they are mungiki member
@jke #youknowyourKenyan When a conversation with another Kenyan goes like this: “Ah, so you’re from Kenya? Where from?”
@jke #youknowyourKenyan in the diaspora when your folks in Nbo only call you to ask for kitu kidogo or for that *urgent* Paypal transaction
@Udisco #youknowyourkenyan when you call every City/Town Council “Kanjo”…
@jamesmurua #youknowyourkenyan When your roadside maindi dealer doesn’t have pili pili and you raise a hissy fit.
@bytebandit #youknowyourKenyan when you meet a childhood playmate who had one of those nicknames e.g. toi, boi, mdogo etc
@mkaigwa #youknowyourkenyan when you call your daughter “Mum” and your son “Daddy” #buthowwouldiknowidonthavekids?
@majiwater #youknowyourkenyan when customer serivce agents always have an excuse and blatantly deny responsibility for not delivering service.
@tchenya #youknowyourkenyan when All children have annoying nicknames. (bebi, toi, boi, kadogo, nyako, dadie, toto, kanono, twig)
@tchenya #youknowyourkenyan when u don’t have genuine containers or utensils, you only use margarine, ice-cream Blue band, Kasuku, Kimbo
@africafeed #youknowyourkenyan If @coldtusker and @Kahenya accuse you of corruption.
@majiwater #youknowyourkenyan when ‘no’ or ‘I dont know’ dont exist in your vocab. You always have an idea or always an expert.
@majiwater #youknowyourkenyan when recycled and repackaged ‘visions’ and ‘dev plans’ since independence still give you hope of a brighter future
@mountainous @youknowyourkenyan when you belive that voting for the same clowns every year because they have defected to a new party will change anything
@mountainous #youknowyourkenyan when you blame TV for corrupting the morals of Todays Children yet you let them watch what they want.
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourkenyan when you laugh at how bad things have gotten here… sad sad sad
@Kizee_Brian #youknowyouarekenyan if traffic lights are just a suggestion and you do what you want anyway #youknowyourkenyan
@tchenya @mountainous #youknowyourkenyan when youTotally agree with the wrong grammar #wearekenyan off course
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourkenyan when your politicians say “dont worry El nino will solve the drought problem” – praying 4 one disaster to solve another!
@Mkaigwa #youknowyourkenyan When you don’t remove the plastic cover from your remote, your car seats or your new mobile phone!!!
@mkaigwa #youknowyourkenyan When you don’t remove the plastic cover from your remote, your car seats or your new mobile phone!!!
@mkaigwa @paulakahumbu Hilarious! What about the fellas and ladies on Facebook using pictures of celebs (and having no other pics) #youknowyourkenyan
@mkaigwa #youknowyourkenyan when you want to say what another Kenyan wanted to say first @Tchenya I was just about to tweet that. #iknowImkenyan
@mountainous #Youknowyourkenyan when the only time you visited the game park was during a school trip (Sad!)
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourkenyan when you miss every deadline – Africa time is… ouch!
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourkenyan when you use a cute chick avatar on twitter and you’re a guy! Cheap stunt to get followers!
@tchenya #youknowyourkenyan when your follow #youknowyourkenyan instead of #youknowyouarekenyan
@tchenya #youknowyourkenyan when your radio station reads news from your daily newspaper and you still have to listen to news.
@mountainous #youknowyourkenyan if you are still waiting for the ‘Serikali’ to ‘give’ you a job! <== Kwani its an entitlement, look for it.
@mountainous #youknowyourkenyan when you complain about everything, power, roads, water, school, food, etc and do nothing!
@tchenya #youknowyourkenyan when you read #youknowyourkenyan tweets to understand who you really are
@jke #youknowyourKenyan when you are still waiting for Nyayo Car.
@mountainous #youknowyourkenyan when you insist on negotiating every purchase!
@inteligensia #youknowyourkenyan when you write tweets long enough that they continue next line (via @TChenya)
@tchenya #youknowyourkenyan when you use twitter instead of woofer.com
@tchenya #youknowyourkenyan when you write tweets long enough that they continue next line
@mountainous @youknowyourKenyan when you ask for a WARM BEER! This has been pointed out so many times by foreigners.
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourkenyan because nobody has a landline anymore
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourkenyan when your power is off 3 days a week and they double your bill , and you don’t say anything.
@careyeaton #youknowyourkenyan when you don’t question the publication of prices of sacks of vegetables in the newspaper.
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourkenyan when power company bills u wrongly by 20,000 & says pay & we’ll resolve the problem – or we’ll disconnect u immediately
@careyeaton #youknowyourkenyan when you tell foreigners that ugali is cuisine.
@mountainous #youknowyourkenyan when you must have a #HARAMBEE for everything! Amen!
@mountainous #youknowyourkenyan when you must have a #HARAMBEE for everything!
@Akarumba #youknowyourkenyan when your MP says ‘I dont earn a 6 figure salary, I only make 800,000!! – Unbelievable!
@careyeaton #youknowyourkenyan when the only thing you know what to do when you drive up to a gate is hoot
@inteligensia #youknowyourkenyan When you tell ignorant peeps that r runners keep fit by running to school, running from lions (via @paulakahumbu)
@mountainous #youknowyourkenyan when you groove to gospel tracks at the disco
@mountainous #youknowyourkenyan when you have worn a pair of safari boots
@Akarumba #youknowyourkenyan when your MP says ‘I dont earn a 6 figure salary, I only make 800,000!!
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourkenyan when a hole in your ear works like a “KWS smart card” – know what I mean? Free park entry 4 life!
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourkenyan when you actually take that 500/- before entering the poll booth…and then vote for the idiot!
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourkenyan when you proudly wear shorts, long socks safari boots and say “I’m from Keeeeenya”
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourkenyan When you tell ignorant peeps that r runners keep fit by running to school, running from lions – I do it all the time :)
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourkenyan coz billions r made by foreigners fm biopropsecting and none of it comes home – stonewash story
@RookieKE #youknowyourkenyan when your mother’s sitting room has all your graduation potraits,and she wants more.
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourkenyan when you pay a processing fee then fly to Nigeria to collect your “winnings” in an online lotto scam – WTF?
@inteligensia #youknowyourkenyan because our politiians s think ‘blog’ is a rude word (via @paulakahumbu)
@VIKKISECRETROXS #youknowyourkenyan when you’re disapointed at the “chai” lattes at Starbucks and you wanna go home everytime you think of REAL tea
@VIKKISECRETROXS #youknowyourkenyan when Obama being president is a reason to drink
@MosesKoinange #youknowyourkenyan when you drink on the beach and feel NOTHING hahahaa
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourkenyan when you can’t work without a steaming cup of tea at your side
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourkenyan because our politiians s think ‘blog’ is a rude word
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourkenyan when u shake ur fists at pedestrians as ur matatu overtakes traffic by hurtling down pedestrian paths on major highways
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourkenyan when you put 5 teaspoons of sugar in each of your ten cups of tea – then wonder why u got diabetes
@mountainous #youknowyourKenyan when you start reading the newspaper with sports, then stars, then cartoons………
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourkenyan when the boss of your online company talks about the ‘interweb’ in a fund raising meeting – ouch!
@davdalx #youknowyourkenyan when you say your instead of you’re, but still follow the trend
@bytebandit #youknowyourKenyan when you say “imbox” while referring to “inbox”
@gishungwa #youknowyourKenyan if you bargain everything including bus fare
@bytebandit #youknowyourKenyan when you see a commuter taxi aka mathree conductor hanging precariously on the door.
@mountainous #youknowyourKenyan when you have peculiar calling habits eg jamming the network promptly at 5PM every Friday
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourKenyan when you get used to washing in a bucket
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourKenyan when the presidential escort rounds roundabout wrong way crashes into matatu beats up driver 4 risking presidents life
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourKenyan when you realize your convent school classmates are involved in corruption scandals – gr8 education!
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourKenyan when peeps greet you with their twitter names in public – “Hi I’m miss Wretched” @misswretched gr8!
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourKenyan when most of ur tweeps greet u in the morning n ask if you slept well :-)
@natekev #youknowyourKenyan when international artistes fail to show up in ur country days to their concert
@dnyaga #youknowyourKenyan when you speak #swanglish (Me i kulad, i somad, … , then i lalaad!) (via @mtotowajirani @kenyanpundit @intelligensia)
@bytebandit #youknowyourKenyan if you get an adrenalin rush and dance like whoa!! when the DJ hits a gospel track in the club.
@bytebandit #youknowyourKenyan when someone says “crips” instead of “crisps”
@Wyndago #youknowyourkenyan when you utter half a word in the middle of a sentence just to complete it ‘..then he ca..? He came’
@inteligensia:#youknowyourKenyan when you speak #swanglish (Me i kulad, i somad, i twittered, then i lalaad!) (via @mtotowajirani)
@kairitu #youknowyourkenyan when some random mamaz show up at your house and tell the mboch “tumetumwa na mwenye nyumba tuchukue gas,fridge….etc”
@mountainous #youknowyourkenyan when you sin all week long and expect that going to Church, listening to Christian music on Sunday will erase it all
@gitts #youknowyourkenyan when you buy a Toyota yet you wanted a Subaru
@gitts #youknowyourkenyan when the car in front of you is a Toyota
@kairitu #youknowyourkenyan when you cant wait for mayoral elections to happen coz most definately cityhall watauana
@AkelLove #youknowyourkenyan when you’ll take anything that’s free.
@AkelLove #youknowyourkenyan when your president is senile.
@gitts #youknowyourKenyan when you pronounce heart, hat, hurt and hut the same way
@kairitu #youknowyourkenyan when the goverment announces an emergency vaccination then the parents go like “they want to make our kids sterile”
@gitts #youknowyourKenyan when you have a VHS tape of Sarafina in your digs
@gitts #youknowyourKenyan when you are surprised that the road doesn’t have any potholes
@gitts #youknowyourKenyan when telling a story you say half aword and wait for it to be completed
@gitts #youknowyourKenyan when you have a dog called simba and mbwa kali sign on your gate
@gitts #youknowyourKenyan when you pronounce Milo me-lo instead of my-lo
@gitts #youknowyourKenyan when every time you alight from public transport you have to check your pockets
@inteligensia #youknowyourKenyan when your neighbours kids are called ocampo, obama and bolt! (via @mtotowajirani)
@magaribina Si #youknowyourKenyan when you somehow manage to turn every third sentence into a question, yeah ?
@magaribina #youknowyourKenyan if you measure distance by shillings ( si mbali – ni thirty bob tu)
@MosesKoinange #youknowyourKenyan when someone shows up 2 hours late and says ‘don’t worry, it’s African time” (time to kill them!)
@mountainous #youknowyourkenyan when the whole village (including the chief) come for your graduation ceremony and insist on decorating you with Tinsel!
@mountainous #youknowyourkenyan when christmas lunch or any party isn’t complete without Chapatis
@mountainous #youknowyourkenyan when you expect “Serikali” to do everything for you, feed, educate, cloth, employ, treat. Heck even pay your Dowry!
@mountainous #youknowyourkenyan whenever you asked by a TV reporter about any calamity/problem you respond starting with “Serikali inapaswa kusaidia…..
@wilfylou #youknowyourkenyan when you say excusssss instead of excuse me.
@mountainous #youknowyourkenyan when you ask for a salary advance the week after payday!
@mountainous #youknowyourkenyan when your ultimate concept of going out is Nyamachoma in a dingy joint while grooving to Mugithi/Benga/lingala
@mountainous #youknowyourkenyan when you think only people from Central love money, We ALL love money!!!!!
@mountainous #youknowyourkenyan when you actually believe HIV/AIDS only infects unmarried/loose/poor/uneducated people
@mountainous #youknowyourkenyan when you insist on staying on the more expensive, unreliable, congested cellphone network
@egm_photo #youknowyourKenyan if you complain about the dirty condition of the streets/roads, yet you toss stuff out of your car window free style!
@iAlen #youknowyourKenyan when you send a hot chick credit and she flashes you back to just say thanks!
@iAlen #youknowyourKenyan when you can’t get your grammar right even in the hash-tag @paulakahumba
@mountainous #youknowyourKenyan when you stop the matatu infront of your gate then spend all day bitching about how Matatu are causing jam
@mountainous #youknowyourKenyan when you wait till the last minute to do your back to school/christmas/household shopping
@mountainous #youknowyourKenyan when you flash someone and when he @ she calls back you only say you wanted to say Hi!!!!
@mountainous #youknowyourKenyan when you call someone just to ask ‘uko wap?’
@iAlen #youknowyourKenyan when someone insists there only one First family and Wambui et al know otherwise…..
@iAlen #youknowyourKenyan when you call State House and the person on the other end goes, “You want a srap?” lol
@bnalyanya #youknowyourKenyan when you can’t get your grammar right even in the hash-tag
@iAlen #youknowyourkenyan when on Sunday Kibaki didnt go to kabarak for sunday service!
@iAlen #youknowyourkenyan in Tanzania having a Tusker and its just tastes like crap!
@iAlen #youknowyourkenyan when your in Tanzania and wabongo are speaking in Swa!
@Shiko_Msa @iAlen @paulakahumbu @crystalsimeoni when peeps queue at express counter with trolleyfulls #supermarkets #youknowyourkenyan. @toneendungu
@iAlen @Shiko_Msa @crystalsimeoni @Mwirigi #youknowyourKenyan when there’s no news on the news (its the same old same old) haha
@iAlen @Shiko_Msa @paulakahumbu @crystalsimeoni RT #youknowyourKenyan when goodbye’s end in “nice time”…uh…yeah you too…
@Mwirigi #youknowyourKenyan when there’s no news on the news (its the same old same old)
@crystalsimeoni #youknowyourKenyan when goodbye’s end in “nice time”…uh…yeah you too…
@iAlen @paulakahumbu #youknowyourKenyan when you say “Hello” and he answers “fine” …what the hell do you say next? hahahahahahahahaha
@iAlen @kainvestor@Shiko_Msa @paulakahumbu RT #youknowyourKenyan when someone calls you and says “who am I speaking to?” hahaha
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourKenyan when you get back from holiday and your manager says “your back from China?”
@iAlen #youknowyourKenyan when you’re next door neighbour is a Mungiki adherant and you cant report it to the authorities
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourKenyan when someone calls you and says “who am I speaking to?”
@iAlen #youknowyourKenyan when you start negotiating for you wallet from the pickpocket on a mathree
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourKenyan when being able to say “I’ve never given a bribe” is something worth getting a prize for
@iAlen #youknowyourKenyan when you steal from public coffers and get reappointed Minister
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourKenyan when you say “Hello” and he answers “fine” …what the hell do you say next?
@iAlen @queenkenya562 @MosesKoinange @paulakahumbu #youknowyourKenyan when you call a parastatal and the receptionist goes, “kunatia?”
@paulakahumbu @Shiko_Msa nice one …and #youknowyourKenyan when she says “Imagine” in response to every statement
@iAlen #youknowyourKenyan when you call a parastatal and the receptionist goes, “kunatia?”
@Shiko_Msa @paulakahumbu when the word ‘otherwise’ is a greeting #youknowyourkenyan?
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourKenyan when police refuse your offer of pie in a bag in response to “can u give us something for lunch” – I did that :) ha ha
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourKenyan when police get into ur car 2 get 2 next police check then offer u KSh 200 for fuel – 4 hours later!
@paulakahumbu @ialen #youknowyourKenyan when the radio DJ tells a crying woman who called in to stay with her brutal husband for the sake of the kids :(
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourKenyan when the breakdown service truck is being towed – I saw that today!
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourKenyan when the traffic police are push starting their car
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourKenyan when u turn on radio and they r playing Roger Whittaker – we must b the only people on the planet who listen to that crap
@iAlen @paulakahumbu #youknowyourKenyan when you get “leave a message” when you dial 911 lolest @moseskoinange @ialen @kainvestor
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourKenyan when they give you anti malaria pills for a headache
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourKenyan when you get “number out of service” when you dial 911 or KWS hotline for that matter
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourKenyan when you get “leave a message” when you dial 911
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourKenyan when you tell the guy who jumped the q to go back to the end and he says “do you know who I am?”
@paulakahumbu @moseskoinange @ialen @kainvestor #youknowyourKenyan when ur warned “uta lala ndani” for worn tyres
@iAlen #youknowyourKenyan when Michuki rattles at you and you cant do anything about it!
@iAlen #youknowyourKenyan when half of the MP’s in the house have past criminal convictions! ouch!
@iAlen #youknowyourKenyan when 17 screaming cars 42 bikes with flashing lights pull traffic off road 2 let Rais attend to a golf lunch on a Monday
@wayneryner #youknowyourKenyan when you rape, steal n kill and expect your kids to love n respect you
@paulakahumbu #youknowyourKenyan when 17 screaming cars 42 bikes with flashing lights pull traffic off road 2 let Rais attend to a golf lunch on a Monday
@iAlen #youknowyourKenyan when F 2 is beckoning at midnight
@iAlen #youknowyourKenyan when your listening to Genge!
@iAlen #youknowyourKenyan when Kenyans dont know about twitter Trending Topics and cant contribute…..hah
@iAlen #youknowyourKenyan when karaos on night patrol arrest you and ask for your grandfathers ID….
@iAlen #youknowyourKenyan when Museveni attacks Migingo and Kibaki is comfortably sleeping and doing nothing about it
@iAlen #youknowyourKenyan when the First Lady goes srapping journalists at mid night….i wirr srapp you
@iAlen #youknowyourKenyan when you are enjoying succulent nyama choma at Dagoretti Corner or Olepolos….yummy
@iAlen #youknowyourKenyan when you hear your President saying Kubaff in public…lol

Know of any other reasons that fit into this meme? Go ahead and comment or participate by adding a “#youknowyourKenyan” to your Tweet!

(Twitter logo based on the wonderful work of Gopal – thx!)

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