In the wake of what can only be described as one of my country’s darkest moments I have found that being a Kenyan abroad has generated a series of deeply troubling questions from non-Kenyans such as:

Oh you are Kenyan? So what tribe are you/What ethnic group do you belong to?

Or

You are from Kenya? So are you Kikuyu or Luo?

On the surface it is easy to view these questions as innocent enquiries from a non-Kenyan who wants to know more about where I am from. Given the manner in which ethnic differences crept into the dispute over the government’s claim to power I know all to well that these questions are anything but innocent.

The first question, in my view is a personal question and should have no place in a discussion between people who barely know each other. Furthermore it rests on the assumption that there is a simple response. For instance, there are many Kenyans who do not belong to one ethnic group or tribe and the question suggests that a single tribe response is the desired answer.

In the case of the second question, it is equally personal but it is more offensive than the first because it reduces my country to a two-tribe nation. It ignores the existence of every other Kenyan who does not fall into either the Kikuyu or Luo ethnic group. It also assumes that one can not fit neatly into both ethnic groups.

That said, what really angers me about both questions is that most people who ask will then use whatever response I give as a basis to project their own limited knowledge of the political and ethnic situation in Kenya.

When I opt to answer these sorts of questions I simply state ‘Kikuyu.’ Each time I have done so my response has been met with statements like:

You must be happy with the result then

or

Ah! It is your man/brother who is in power

even this:

You guys really rigged this election

In single sentence a person has taken my cultural/ethnic identity and formed an opinion about my political allegiance, placed blame upon me for the outcome of the election and worst of all suggested that despite the fact that my country is in turmoil…I am pleased.

The most frustrating part for me is, I am still not sure who/what I should be angry at:

Should I be angry at those individuals who believe that I, who can not speak a word of Kikuyu, would place such importance on my ethnic identity to the extent that I would not only stake my right to vote upon it but forsake my national identity because of it?

Is it fair to direct my anger at the Western media who oftentimes spoke of and wrote about Kenya and Rwanda in one breath/sentence thereby blurring the distinction between a nation disappointed in the outcome of a flawed election and a group of people who value ethnicity more than nationality?

What about those who willingly took part in the destruction of our people, our country, our lives and our homes, maybe I should be angry at them?

Perhaps those who made a mockery of our democratic right to be governed by the leaders we elect, who betrayed the trust we placed in our electoral system…maybe this should be the root of my anger?

I am not content with directing my anger, in equal measure, at all of the above because it is not that simple. I am not content with being angry because it is not productive.

I will have to work something out because when people who can not find Kenya on a map, who do not know the difference and distance between Ghana and Kenya, who can’t accept that we too can fly from our country to over 40 destinations worldwide on Kenya Airways…. when these people start telling me about my ethnic identity and what it means…I get really angry…

A few days ago I heard somebody saying that President Kibaki signed the peace accord ONLY to cool off things enough for the Safaricom IPO to happen. I never believed that porojo for a minute then. But now my position has changed and I am no longer too sure. One just needs to analyze carefully what is going on in the country.

But this issue of the IPO in relation to the still-to-be-named coalition government raises a very fundamental question which every Kenyan needs to ask themselves;

Is it safe to buy shares when Kenya’s future peace and stability is not guaranteed?

Surely the current behaviour of PNU and president Kibaki leaves a lot to be desired. It is becoming increasingly clear that they are bent on frustrating the law that they are so fond of talking about and insisting that it must be followed to the letter.

Today the media announced that the President had a cabinet meeting. Now how is that possible under the current law of the land? The Prime Minister was not there and neither was any ODMer. This is the clearest sign yet that as we enter this April fool’s day, the “prank” is on Kenyan people.

It is also probably instructive that the Safaricom IPO was launched a few days to April Fool’s day. And it is even more hilarious that as tensions build in the country over the fact that a full cabinet is yet to be named, going on to the fourth months after the polls, some Kenyans are lining up to purchase Safaricom shares. But alas it is their money.

Not that Raila Odinga is much better off. The kind of acrobatics he has done over the Safaricom IPO is crazy and leaves many questions hanging in the air. But even more worrying is the company that the prime minister designate keeps these days. I shall say more about this in my next post, later today when I have gathered all the information and evidence I need.

Then there is the fact that ODM want a cabinet of 34 and in the view of the party, this is a cabinet that is lean enough. The truth is that in comparison to PNU’s 44 it is smaller but only slightly so.

If this coalition government is going to be named at all then not more than 20 ministers should be in it. In fact we do not even need assistant ministers. To do what?

But much more worrying to me today as I write this post, is the ticking time bomb that everybody is ignoring. I am of course talking about the IDP’s. Those poor Kenyans who through no fault of their own are now sleeping in the rain with their children. Already some kids have died from the cold of ailments like pneumonia.

Eldoret Stadium is the largest camp and a young boy who sneaked out of the camp yesterday and went to what he used to call home to fetch his bicycle, came back with a scary tale. He said that their farm had been occupied and that people were cultivating and planting crops. Do you have any idea what this means? They of course warned him never to return.

That’s Kenya for you. When tensions over land are being heightened, President Kibaki is still playing political chess while Raila Odinga prefers musical chairs where his position over an important national matter keeps changing every day.

And amid all that people are lining up for Safaricom shares as others get emotional arguing whether it is a wise thing or not to buy the shares, and their fight is taking place right here on Kumekucha.

As my former boss used to say in sarcastic wonder and amazement when people don’t seem to know what they are doing; WOW….

Why? Well, what’s the scenario?
During an average conference, many different users from different backgrounds approach the guy handling the beamer with their usb flash memory stick. Unfortunately, their USB flash sticks are often infected with malware that may reproduce itself on the host system and consequently infect other usb sticks. Malware scanners in use may also not be that effective and often only fight the symptoms, not their actual causes. Hence, an infected base station is the ideal breeding place for malware.

Using a Live CD based on a Linux distro instead may prevent all this danger as such an alternative operating system isnt affected by such malware. Consequently, if used in the correct way, the simple spreading of malware through automatic infections is limited to a possible minimum.

It’s such a relatively simple method to prevent further infections so I am wondering: why isn’t this a standard procedure in a M$-Windows-dominated IT environment?

(@Apple users: *cough* *cough*….well…u know….*sigh* :-)

We recently had a visit from an English woman who had grown up in Kenya. The part of the conversation that resonated with me the most was when she asked:

“You have been here six years. Do you feel like this is your home yet? My boys (she had sons who had grown up in Kenya) have been here quite a long while but still consider Kenya home.”

Interesting, I thought. Home! Home! Home! Let’s talk about that place, where whether you go East or West is best.

What Do I Mean By Home?

Now for the sake of clarity let me be clear on what I mean by the word home. By home, I am not referring to the physical structure that protects you from wind, hail and stalkers. Rather I am referring to that place that makes you feel one of or a combination of the following:

a) Safe

b) Comfortable

c) Well protected

d) Loved

e) Free to be yourself.

After all, aren’t the above what most of us feel when we remember home. After a long, hard, scary day at work, we trudge home through the wind and rain so that we can get to that warm place where we can take off our shoes, unwind and just be. This place may not even be your residential address. It may be your local church or bible study group. It may be your local bar or hangout. It may even be your spouses home. Wherever that place is, where your troubles melt away and you feel most at peace, least on edge: THAT’S HOME!

Home Away From Home

So maybe, you flew out ‘because everyone else is doing it’. Maybe you flew out because you could no longer stay home. Maybe you flew out pursuing a job. Maybe your parents surprised you with some money, some air tickets and a letter from a University that has a weird sounding name. However, you left Mama Africa and you are now abroad ( by the way, if you are, welcome, from a diaspora veteran). You have now been ripped away from that place you call home and are now all alone in this foreign land with foreign places, foreign languages and foreign ideas about where home is. How exactly can you get back home in the middle of this land far far away. Simple: Recreate your home.

What Makes Your Home a Home

I have two types of home. My first home is my house. Here I feel safe in the solitude that is provided to me by quiet nights. It is in this home that I do all my heavy mental work. It is here that I write this blog, study, learn and plan how I will become a better human being every single night.

My second home is anything that has to do with making people feel something. You need someone to speak in public, I’m there as long as I can make the audience feel something. You need someone to have a breezy conversation with, am there as long as you laugh.

My first home is home because I feel safe and protected within it and undisturbed and free to explore under the cover of night. My second home is home because I feed off energy from people. Believe it or not, when someone likes me, the high I get from that can keep me going for days on end. I feel safe in the fact that I can actually connect with my fellow human being because the way I see it, if you can connect with people, regardless of where you are and how poor you are, you will be better than you would be otherwise.

This Knowledge is Critical

Basically the reason I told that story is so that you have a frame of reference when I ask you, what make your home feel like home? What type of environment do you need in order for you to feel safe, protected and/or loved? Do you need a place where you feel connected to another person? Do you need a place where you can have deep, intimate conversation? Do you need a place where you can just think? Do you need a place where you can let your aggression lose? Do you need some quiet time? Do you need a place where you feel in control?

When you know what type of place feels like home, you are now equipped to begin seeking it out. The diaspora may be lacking in a lot of things, but not in places to go and things to do. Armed with the knowledge of what your home should be like, you can begin to go exploring different places all searching for that home.

As I have said in previous posts, once you find your home, once you find that place where you can just be, there is nothing quite like it.

What’s Your Perception of the Diaspora

A second element to this discussion is how do you perceive your country of immigration as a whole. In general, there are three ways you can look at your new country.

1) Home

2) Transition point between two homes

3) A Place that Just Isn’t Home

Though I have been here close to six years, this place feels like a transition point between two homes. It feels as though I was put here to learn and grow so that I could go back to my place of birth, aka sweet Mama Africa. If you feel like I do, then it brings greater purpose into everyday existence abroad. After all, you must get ready, prepare and learn so that you can seek out and/or build and then maintain your home once you have left the transition point you are currently in. So, look at yourself like one of those samurais in a Jet Li movie that has been banished from home and needs to train for years before returning home to as the greatest samurai ever who will save the kingdom from attack (I know Jet Li is Chinese and the Samurai tradition is Japanese but you get my point………)

If you feel like the diaspora is home, then share with your fellow immigrants how you managed to fit into a place that at times can feel like a vast wasteland. There are a lot of people who need help figuring out just what to make of this place. Hell, even I would love to hear it. You are already way ahead of the curve. Please drag the rest of us along.

Finally, if this place doesn’t feel like home at all, then read the preceding sections of this post and go about creating semi-homes here in the diaspora. As soon as possible work on finding or creating that place of quiet strength, comfort and stability. Maybe start hanging around solid, stable family people who shy away from drama. Maybe find a job in your local place of worship. Maybe find work with the elderly or the youth, where there is little threat to you. Whatever you need, seek it out and once you have found it embrace it.

We All Need Homes

After all, we all need homes. We all get tired and we all need to recharge. So please don’t take this gift from yourself. Leave a comment or get in touch with me to let me know what’s happening.

Now go home,

Mwangi