21:48 
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21:05
Overcoming Lifestyle Inflation
» For Love and Money Overcoming Lifestyle Inflation
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16:15
Another Acolyte Tale
» My part of the world....... I came to the sad realization that it has been a minute since I told an Acolyte tale. After reading some cracking tales online I decided I have to share before the tale gets covered by the sands of time.
Long long ago, in a land far away. The Acolyte and his college cronies (or should I say henchmen?) used to enjoy this "wonderful" drink.
This firewater was a blessing in many ways to broke college students such as ourselves. Where as a bottle of Smirnoff Vodka the same size would only be good for 3 people like Jesus bread this bottle would cater to twice that number and cost 3 times less! Add to the fact that on a cold night it would slide down your throat like lava down a South American hill, live a virgin's leg your throat would at first be tight and want to close but on realizing the impending pleasure it would open gradually but surely.
Now to the disadvantages of this tempestuous love affair we had, you see first of all with the cane products the high was unpredictable. I once recall a friend of mine moving from discussing current affairs while enjoying a buzz to changing into a gibbering mess rambling about devil worshippers and the 20 shilling note. I am sure that many seasoned drinkers are also aware that cheap liqour more often than note reverses the laws of gravity, in that what goes down must go up! So what would happen is that after drinking 1/4 or more of a 750 ml it was inevitable that once in a while the cane would clash with whatever was in your stomach and proceed to empty the premises, so there would be only one exit; the mouth (at least in most cases). But there would be one problem, as the contents of the stomach would move up they would reach somewhere around the solar plexus area and decide, "No! We are not leaving!"
and turn back. As a result I once recall being held up as we waited for almost 10 minutes as a pal heaved noxious cane fumes, when he finally managed to regurgitate a baby's hand worth of puke; he was hoisted on the mob's shoulders as if he had won the Nairobi Marathon.
There were also the hangovers that made you feel like a truck had ran over and in your head, your tongue was made of sand paper and every noise felt like nails on a chalk board but there was one thing that made me divorce the drink once and for all.........
The memory loss!!!!!! Yes that was the worst part, Safari Cane taught me how to empathize with people who were kidnapped by UFOs. I too now know how it feels to wake up in your bed, aching and bruising with no idea how you got there in addition to having lost a chunk of time. The incident that made me go cold turkey was an interesting one.
You see one weekend my Uncle was home for Summer (yes the infamous Summer Bunnies of way back when) so we were with some pals and he decided to treat us, and the idiots that we were with my pals instead of asking for the expensive good stuff we decided to opt for our usual poison. So we drank a total of two bottles in between 6 people and off to Electric Avenue aka Westlands. I recall functioning perfectly for the first half of the night and I even recall at one point in the night a pal came and told me how a pal of his had thrown up on his shirt so in my Safari influenced stupor I literally gave him the shirt off my back, so the Acolyte was left wearing a Chicago White Sox jacket with nothing on the inside but when you have Safari in you, you don't feel the cold.
My last memory was later leaving the bar and finding two dudes I knew squaring off to fight, I recall walking in between both parties and beseeching them not to fight. My next memory was getting up in bed just fine with no bruises whatsoever but with the usual killer hangover.
I knew something was amiss when I was talking to my Uncle the next day and he was like, " I see someone has been playing Streetfighter," and walked away laughing. I didn't even know what he was talking about and dismissed him. Later on in the day I was walking in the neighbourhood and this dude whom I didn't talk to much comes up to me and says, " Jamaa you are harsh, I saw how you wekad those 2 dudes!" I was still in denial and shrugged off his misplaced admiration, but like the Biblical Peter the cock crowed when my small sis came home and told me, " I met a pal of mine who said you know how to kick ass!"
After that day as my pal's happily destroyed their livers and their brains, I opted for Beer or soda.
Lesson of The Day? - Cheap liquor destroys short term memory and.....damn I forgot!
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14:47 little things that tickle my funny bone…
» Me, Life & Everything Rendezvous: 2347hrs Prolixity: Ati? Mood: ROTFL Whereabouts: Home Echelon: IV Track: Twisted, Keith Sweat I shall not sully Dilbert with loooooooooooooooong commentary…… Siku njema!
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12:16
Thoughts on Biafra
» Black Looks Some rare footage from the Biafran war 1967-1970 in seven parts. For some reason embedding Part 1 has been disabled. This footage is from Part 3. There are more knowledgeable people than myself on this period of “Nigeria’s” history. I say “Nigeria” because the nation was constructed not by those who now live [...]
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11:52
Kumekucha Is BACK!
» You Missed This Hi folks,
I have been out of circulation for a prolonged period of time and a lot has happened politically in the two or three days that I have not been around. I have just cleared my backlog of emails and am now settling in to start unleashing hot dossiers and the kind of posts that yu would not want to miss, starting from tomorrow.
One of the first pieces I will do is answer a comment left here by a reader who delves into my personal life in a scathing personal attack that I will answer good naturally without being personal in any way. I will also publish his allegations in full. That’s a post you don’t want to miss because some of the claims he makes will shock you! This is a guy who knows me very well, but he has really twisted the truth.
Sadly I got back a little later than expected and on this day that is Mwai Emilio Stanley Kibaki’s birthday, I’ve missed a golden opportunity to tie in this fact with some interesting spin ideas the president’s handlers have been churning out.
Not to forget the hot saga that was left out of the Kroll report.
Keep a date with Kenya’s leading political blog tomorrow.
The 5 most popular stories on Kumekucha today 15th Nov.
1. The ODM ad that Kenyan stations won't run
2. Clinton's spin doctor jets in for Raila.
3. Moi's spies in ODM
4. General elections 2007: The Latest prediction.
5. Mainstream media frustrating ODM.
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9:42
Video Clips from ASK Show Nairobi 2007
» Mentalacrobatics If you want to see the commotion that follows the President of Kenya at its best then President’s Day at the Agricultural Society of Kenya (ASK) Nairobi Show (now known as the Nairobi International Trade Fair) is the place to go.
The Show lasts one week, each day has a guest of honour, for example the Chairman of the ASK, the Minister of Agriculture and the Vice President. Wednesday, however, is when the real action takes places as this is the day that the President, in his role as Patron of the ASK, is the guest of honour.
The Show is unlike other big presidential events in that it is not a public holiday and it is not a political event. This means that the usual entourage of political cronies conveniently find something else to do. This gives the military space to put on a show at the Show and they do!
Here are some clips from President’s Day at the Nairobi Show this year featuring All Kenyan uniformed forces brass bands encompassing Kenya Army Band, Navy Band, Air Force Band, Police Band, Prisons Band, GSU Band, NYS Band and the Administration Police Band. These clips are from the military tattoo at the end of the day.
The first clip features the lowering of the National Flag and the Playing of the National Anthem. We have a very beautiful, majestic, powerful anthem. The drum major then requests permission from his Commander-in-Chief to lead the bands off the field and they start marching off.
The second clip shows the band starting to march off the field. When the camera moves to the right you see half of the presidential motorcade, moving into position waiting to rush in. When camera moves to the left (with the band at the far end of the field) you see the other half of the presidential motorcade waiting to reverse into the field.
The final clip features the Mass Bands giving the President their final salute and with all the ceremonial details dealt with the Presidential Escort Unit swings into action.
The main part of the motorcade drives into the field, the lead cars reverse into the field from the other end.You can even see the Presidential Press Service cameraman rushing to get his tripod into the PPS Benz station wagon. The President then walks down from his seat and says his goodbyes gets into his stretch Benz and the motorcade starts moving.
The Presidential Escort Unit jog next to the car incase any muppet decides to do something crazy. And then they are off. Being the Show all the top military brass are there and you can see number plates like CGS (Chief of General Staff – the head of the Armed Forces) 00KA01 (Head of the Army) 00KN01 (Head of the Navy) and COP 1 (Commissioner of Police) all joining in the motorcade. Civilian leaders are there you can see a Benz with SNA (Speaker of the National Assembly) and cars with the National Flag which carry Ministers. (The Presidential Limo has the National Flag and the Presidential Standard.) Anyway check out the clip for yourself below.
(Apologies for the running commentary during the final clip – my bro and I tend to get a little bit excited about things like this
oh and it took me ages - bleeding ages - to upload these clips on to YouTube! Like 3 weeks!)© Mentalacrobatics for Mentalacrobatics, 2007. | Permalink | One comment
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9:00
Politricks
» tHiNkEr'S rOoM That time of the 5 years is with us again. Politics and politicians are going into sheer overdrive. And as am generally wont to, I observe these developments with a combination of amusement and amazement, as well as the inevitable bewilderment. Technology In this election heavy use is being made ...
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Gated Reflections #3:
» Black Looks I was brought up with the idea that it is customary when you visit not go empty handed. So, one Sunday afternoon on receiving an sms invitation for tea, I stop at the supermarket to fill my hands. (It being Sunday, my begging mama is not sitting in her usual spot- the section of cracked [...]
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4:36
Equity goes Giga
» bankelele The story of the day and probably going to be the deal of the year (trumping CFC/Stanbic merger - which while being 6X larger, is not really foreign direct investment - FDI into Kenya) is that Equity Bank is selling a 25% stake to Helios Investors - (official). The deal to sell 90.5m new at shares 122 shares ($1.80) will bring in about 11 billion ($160 million) in new capital to the Bank.
When last months’ post discussed local banks needing
to raise capital a deal of this size was not in the picture. With the new capital Equity will be able to do business up to 150 billion shillings (about
where Barclays is today) – but that growth cannot be organic, so you can look to Equity to buy up a half dozen smaller banks.
Other shareholders must approve the deal in which their stake will be reduced. Fortunately for top managers they will retain their stake while falling under the 5% CBK limit for managers.
Others
- Diamond Trust opens a Branch in Malindi: Way to go after those Italian
accounts
- NIC Bank to buy a stockbrokerage firm.
- Safaricom data costs up: Bamba net a USB modem service was introduced in August 2007 at a cost 6,000 shillings to connect and 2,000 ($28) per month for unlimited net usage up to 700MB then 10 per MB thereafter. Now a new one costs 12,500 and 12.6 per MB after 8,000 shillings worth of free internet.
Opportunities
Joint Voluntary Agency - Financial Comptroller Position: The Joint Voluntary Agency (JVA) operates a US refugee resettlement program in
eastern and southern Africa through a Cooperative Agreement with the Department. It is seeking a Financial Comptroller position (chief accounting officer for JVA Kenya)
Requirements: Professional Certification in Accounting such as CPA, ACCA or equivalent, Bachelor's degree in commerce or business administration with
specialization in accounting, Four or more years work experience in the NGO sector at management level with supervisory duties, among others. Interested and qualified applicants should submit a cover letter and a résumé by November 20, 2007 to the
Human Resources Manager - hr@jvakenya.org
advertise your job postings here- but preferably only for companies that enable online or e-mail applications
Also
- Capital Markets Authority: Chief executive, Manager legal affairs, National Bank of Kenya - deputy managing director. apply through Hawkins
associates by 27/11
- Nairobi Stock Exchange; head of legal & compliance. apply through Deloitte
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